I know someone, let’s call him John. John is the kind of person everyone enjoys being around. Funny, warm, always ready to lift the mood. But when we sat down to talk about money, a different side showed up. He confessed that he often found himself making choices that didn’t feel like “him.” Smart, thoughtful John would suddenly gamble on risky financial moves. Why? Because when the possibility of a big payout appeared, it was like his rational brain just stepped aside for a while. By the time it returned, the decision was already made. Does this sound familiar? Read on and let’s understand what was going on.
Something was going on – and it was not recent
This wasn’t new for John. It wasn’t even about adulthood. The more we talked, the clearer it became that this went back to childhood. He grew up with insecurity - money was insufficient and stressful. Conversations at home often circled around the idea that a jackpot or lottery was the “only way out” and anything short of that would lead to more complaints. Of course, that jackpot never arrived. But the belief stuck. And with it, a “money script” that said: “big money, quick money is the only way to safety”. And that script kept playing out. When he had to choose, he chose this version of safety i.e. the possibility of a payout.
It was not just about money
Of course, money wasn’t the only place this script showed up. It played out all over his life. John grew up believing that a big payout was the solution to money problems, but what he missed was the more important lesson - how to take small, steady steps to make things better despite that big jackpot. Whenever there was a problem, at work or in relationships, John’s first instinct was to go big. A sweeping gesture, a dramatic solution. Sometimes it worked but most of the time, it didn’t. Unless the other person shared the same way of thinking, it usually missed the mark. This script was the background score to so much of his life – and it was playing automatically.
Awareness alone can’t fix much
The question then is, if he became aware, did it solve the problem and change the money script he had? Unfortunately, it did not. It never does. But it made space for change. It didn’t change everything, but it made life easier. The real breakthrough was when he saw that progress didn’t have to mean a complete overhaul. Sometimes, a small step forward was enough. And once he realised that he could stop chasing the big fix every time. Instead, he could, pause more often or catch himself before he acted impulsively. He could, every now and then, choose differently. Not perfectly. Not always. But, enough to trust that he won’t always make choices he regrets. It gave him some control.
Where does that leave things?
Here’s the part that matters for you and me: Most of our financial habits aren’t really about money. They’re about old scripts – “money scripts” that we learned as kids by watching, listening, absorbing what was around us. These shape our personality in more ways than we realise – how we deal with money, is usually only the impact that’s visible to us. But here’s the good news: once you start to notice your own script, you open the door to change. You don’t have to erase the script overnight—you just need to catch it in action and try one small, different step. Over time, those steps add up, and the script begins to lose its grip. That’s when financial wellbeing—and real growth—start to unfold.
Originally written for and published in Bahrain This Month